I Have a Dog Staring at Me
by Disgruntled Minion
Summary: Ever had your boyfriends dog staring at you while you were trying to eat lunch? Itachi has and he can tell that it isn't a fun experience. Ita/Naru, for Imperial Mint


A/N:This story came about from a conversation that I had with Imperial Mint a while back. It started with the sentence 'I have a dog staring at me' and I thought that it was funny and decided I wanted to write a quick story on it. Took about thirty minutes and then I had this little crack one shot, haha.

Warnings: Humor and fluff  
>Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or its characters<p>

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><p><em>I Have a Dog Staring at Me<em>  
><em>for Imperial Mint <em>

Naruto groaned as he glanced at the clock resting innocently on the wall. The minute hand clicked one space forward and Naruto felt his head connect with the desk. Thirty more minutes until lunch and he was starving.

What a bad day to run out of snacks in his office.

He was tempted to run down the hall to the vending machine, but he knew that it was possessed. Last time he tried to get chocolate, it ate his money and refused to give him his candy bar. Damn thing. Its like it knew and refused to work when Naruto needed it most.

And the next available working vending machine was nine floors down and the elevators were out of service today. No way he was running down nine flights of steps for chocolate. Although, it would be worth it.

Chocolate was chocolate.

He stood up, getting ready to cave into his chocolate cravings when his phone rang and he was forced to sink back down into his chair. He whined at the phone, pulling his blond hair lightly before picking up said phone.

Clearing his throat, he put on his best professional voice and answered the phone. "Weeks Publishing Company, how may I help you?"

"I have a dog staring at me."

Naruto blinked before smiling. "Well hello to you too 'Tachi. How nice of you to call me at work and see how I'm doing. Usually we start greetings with 'hello'."

"I have a dog. Staring at me," Itachi repeated. "Your dog."

Naruto reached forward and grabbed a pen, spinning it around his fingers; smile still firmly in place. "Does she want food?" he asked, because that was the only reason why his dog would stare at someone.

"I don't know, I'm just sitting here trying to work. Eating some carrots." There was a loud thump that sounded as though Itachi had let his head hit the surface of his desk. "God, it's such a proper intense stare too."

Covering the phone with his hand, Naruto snorted with laughter, only imagining what the scene at home looked liked. He could just see his dog just staring Itachi down while he tried to eat his carrots.

Finally, he quelled his laughter and brought the phone back to his mouth. "Well, don't give her any. I don't think they're very good for dogs."

"I wasn't planning on it," Itachi answered. "But you have to give her points for trying. It was a very intense stare."

"Well, you had food," Naruto pointed out and glanced up at the clock. Fifteen more minutes. Maybe he could keep Itachi on the line long enough to keep him from thinking about lunch until his break started. "So what were you doing before she started to stare at you?"

Crunching sounded over the line as Itachi munched on a carrot before answering. "Finishing up this page for a client." There was a crinkle of a bag being moved before Itachi spoke again. "Oh dear, now she's started doing that little foot thing because I'm not giving her attention."

Naruto smiled softly. "Aww, she's just showing love that way. Is she putting her paw on your leg and looking at you with big ol' sad eyes."

"No," Itachi answered. "It's where, ow."

"Ow?" Naruto repeated, his eyebrow arching in confusion as he leaned back in the chair some more. "What did you do?"

The Uchiha grunted. "Its not what I did, it's what she did."

Naruto frowned and scratched his head, thoroughly confused now. "Wait, what did she do?"

"That little foot thing. And before you say it, its not like her putting her paw on my leg and looking cute. It's more like her whacking me with her paw." Itachi paused. "Her bear-like paws."

Snorting with laughter, Naruto held the phone away once more trying to keep his laughter quiet so Itachi couldn't hear. He couldn't help it that he was finding a great amount of humor in all of this.

"So, now what is she doing?" he asked, still chuckling slightly.

"Still staring at me," Itachi answered tensely. "Even though the carrots are gone and all I have left is hot chocolate."

"She probably wants that too," Naruto stated. He glanced at the clock again, glad to see that only five minutes were left. Then it time for break and he could go to that new bakery that opened up down the road. They were supposed to have good pastries.

A low groan from Itachi drew his attention back to the man on the line. "Is she giving you the big puppy eyes still?"

"No. More like the 'you're an idiot' look because I showed her my computer screen since she was just looking at me; wondering what I was doing, and I was trying to be polite. And now she looks even more unimpressed and is giving me another look that says 'you're a complete idiot and beneath me, now give me food'."

"I see," Naruto squeaked, trying to hold in the laughter. He desperately wished that he could be home right now to see this. The show down between the Uchiha and his dog. Best show ever.

"Naruto?" Itachi's voice was strangely soft on the other line, as though he was hiding from something. "Make her go away," he pleaded.

That was the straw that broke the camels back.

Peels of laughter left Naruto's mouth and nothing he tried could stop the sound coming from his mouth. He gasped for breath and his sides ached as he double over with more laughter as Itachi tried to yell at him that it wasn't funny.

He knew that everyone was giving him a strange look and that Itachi was going to kill him when he came home, but it was all worth it. Hearing that Itachi had been bested by his dog was too good and he couldn't stop the laughter.

In his mind, he could see Itachi sitting up on his desk, legs drawn up under him while his dog sat on the floor staring up at him and his hot chocolate. The mug of hot chocolate would be tucked away from the dog's view, but she would still know that it was there.

Stubborn animal, she wouldn't leave until it was gone.

Wiping away the tears that streamed down his face, he picked up the phone that had slid across his desk. "Is the big bad dog gone now, 'Tachi?" he cooed, digging a deeper hole for himself.

"You're sleeping in her bed tonight," Itachi growled before the phone was slammed down and their connection cut off.

Still chuckling, Naruto stood up and placed the phone back in its cradle before moving down the hall so he could leave for lunch. What a great way to kill thirty minutes while waiting for break. Not only did he save money by not buying the chocolate, he was also spared a trip down and back up nine flights of steps.

Sure, he was going to be in trouble when he went back home, and Itachi might make him sleep on the couch tonight, but it was well worth the trouble. Humming under his breath, he walked to the stairwell and pushed open the door, ready to start his lunch break and feeling very glad that the bakery didn't allow dogs inside..


End file.
